Kaliarda XXXII: The Wit of Kaliarda

Kaliarda has a couple of puns:

kolombos, xristoforos

top: “Christopher Columbus” as soundalike of kolombaras

dubloðikeliazo

to be diplomatic: “double looking”; Standard Greek ðiplomatis “diplomat” sounds like “double-eyed” (dipl-ōma: “folded (document) < “doubled thing” read as dipl-omma “double eye”)

*papi

document, certificate: “duck”, but puns on German Papier “papers”, often demanded during the Nazi occupation

It has a much larger number of calques from mainstream Greek and Greek slang—the wit lying in recognising Greek expressions in Kaliarda garb:

amitsopuru

Philopappou (“Friend of Grandfather”) Hill, calqued as “Friend Old Man”

asprokangela

platinum: “white metal”, calque of lefkoxrisos

axalos

repulsive: “uneaten” < ðen troɣete “cannot be stomached”

ɣlutokarnu

thigh: “hip meat” (calque of colloquial kolomeri lit. “arse portion”)

ðorkakis

cuckold < “gazelle guy” (who has horns), calqued from keratas “horned”. Hence, ðorkakoviðomenos “screwed-in gazelle guy” = “someone repeatedly cuckolded”

kangelokrosos

Iron Cross (Kaliarda “metal” < “rail” + English cross)

karvunomakiastra, karvunomako

coaldust (standard karvunoskoni)

karnoxalos

carnivore: “meat-eating” (standard sarkofaɣos)

klinarolinga

Puristic Greek: “clean language”, calque of Katharevousa

koza tempo avelis, koza dzornoɣiro vuelis

what time is it? “what time do you have?”, calque of ti ora exis?

latsaveles

welcome: < latsa aveles “well you do/come” (standard kalos irθes); latsavelo “to welcome”

latsolinga

Puristic Greek: “good language”, semi-calque of Katharevousa (cf. klinarolinga)

latsotempa

summer: “good weather” (standard kalokeri)

letrostampa

postage stamp: “letter stamp” (standard ɣramatosimo)

mesodzorna

midday (Italian + Greek, standard mesimeri)

midlanota

midnight (English + Italian, standard mesanixta)

musikapoxis

conductor: “music fishing-net guy”

mus-paɡro

white lie: “fake hairs” (calque of mainstream trixes! “hairs” = “bullshit”)

baks ke latsi

once and for all (calque of mainstream mia ke kali, with Puristic apaks for “once”)

natura floki

fresh juice: “nature jizz” (calque of mainstream fisikos ximos “natural juice”)

duramol

vitriol: “hard water”, calque of Italian acquaforte

ostrakopoðarakis

cancer: “shell foot guy” (i.e. description of crab; Greek karkinos “cancer” and Latin cancer both originally mean “crab”)

pulopirɣono suandes

I am indifferent towards you: “I shit on you”, mainstream se xezo

sekretoðulia

mysticism: “secret job” (mystikos in Greek literally means “secret”)

sekretoxalema

Last Supper: calque of mistikos ðipnos

sketo kaprikente

very clever: “lone match”, calque of mainstream spirto monaxo

dzazo ta tiraxa

die: “thow away shoes”, calque of mainstream tinazo ta petala “fling off horseshoes” (cf. kick the bucket)

dzazo ti linga mu

to loosen one’s tongue: “to get my tongue out”, calque of mainstream vɣazo ɣlosa

ipomona

pumpkin seeds: “patience”; in mainstream Greek, they are called pasatempo < Italian: “pass the time”

ipsometro

hillbilly, provincial: “altitude” (alluding to them being from the mountains)

fresokarno

tenderloin: “fish meat”, calque of psaronefri lit. “fish(-coloured) kidney” (i.e. grey meat around kidneys)

xasobaltas

lawyer: “lose trial”, calque of mainstream slang xasoðikis

xumsovivi ðantela

life sentence: “prison life knot”, calque of isovia ðesma “life-equalling bondage”

psixotraɣopuros

top: “soul priest”; Koutsavakika psixopapas has the same meaning

oxroblada

leukemia: “pale blood” (standard lefxemia “white blood”); hence musandoxroblada anaemia: “fake leukemia”

*staɣonakis

doppelganger: “waterdrop guy”, allusion to expression that two people are as alike as two drops of water

I’ve erred on the side of inclusion in counting forms as witticisms:

aðikokuti

coffin: “unjust box”

etna, tna

pimple: “Mt Etna”

anemodzasaro

sacrifice: “wind expel” = “throw to the winds”

animatsurnos

Death: “soul thief”

astakomeno

armoured vehicle: “lobstered” (“armoured like a lobster”)

afantos

God: “invisible”

vivopalamaro

octopus: “live palm”

vivosermelo

snake: “live penis”

vivosermelo but piasman

boa constrictor: “snake very grope”

vlakopsaliðu

censorship: “stupid scissors chick”

ɡodorelia

wind: “god fart”

ðrakodzastis

cross: “drives out ogres” (i.e. vampires)

enzimiazo

to rot: “to enzyme”

zalistra

radio: “dizzy-maker”

zuzunovarvari

naphthaline: “savage to bugs”

inðofiðiazo

to charm: “Indian snake” (alluding to snake charmer)

kavɣaðokutu

radio: “argument box chick”

kangelopartuza

chain: “metal gangbang” (cf. sexual meaning of daisychain in English)

kangurosalo

snot: “nose saliva”; ful kangurosalo “full-blast snot” = “sneeze”

kaðro

ugly: “picture frame”

kaimozumi

coffee: “sorrow juice”

kaimotsiftozumi

coffee: “sorrow cunning juice”

kaimokuto

bouzouki: “sorrow box”

kaimoburia

rebetiko songs: “sorrow songs”

kaimoxelono

baglama: “sorrow turtle” (so called because the baglama body was the size of a turtle, and some baglamas were made of turtle shells); also xelonoburo “turtle song”

kaliardo-mol

water: “ugly liquid” (as opposed to alcoholic drinks)

kanalovivu

fate: “channel of life”

karbonomilionaris

billionaire: “carbon-copy millionaire”

katolioiraklia

actress of melodramatic movies: “tears woman”, which was the nickname given to melodrama actress Martha Vourtsi (Petropoulos only gave her initials)

katoliotekno

actor of melodramatic movies: “tears twink”, which was the nickname given to melodrama actor Nikos Xanthopoulos (Petropoulos only gave his initials)

katsikanotsarðo

balcony: “house boobs”

kelaru

fountain, water tap < kelorosola “tears”

keravnos

toothless: “lightning”

keromusando

love-talk “candle (= melt) lie”

kifinas

monk: “drone”

kokorobuluki

theatrical troupe: “rooster squadron”

koniðokolora

miniature paintinɡ: “nit painting”

konikloxalos

vegetarian: “rabbit(-like) eating”

konderandza

stuttering: “lecture”

kontra-feɣi

cardboard: “counter-sheet (of paper)”, by analogy with kontra plake “plywood” < French contreplaqué

korakovlastimo

very fat woman or gay: “crow curser” (because “crows” = undertakers will curse when the time comes to lift them up to bury them)

koroiðorampo

shadow puppet theatre, Karagiozis: “mockery ramp”

kosmoalana

town square: “world/people alley”

kueloflokopalku

tragedy, tragedy production: “tears stage”

kueloflokorampa

tragedy, tragedy production: “tears ramp”

kulopapapa

urine bottle (in Standard Greek papia “duck” from its shape): “shit quack-quack”

kumunis turlu

Olivier Salad, Russian salad: “communist salad”

kuskusofeɣi

newspaper: “gossip sheet”

kiparisotekno

overly tall: “cypress twink”

koloklaklas

ambassador: “arse ??”, from their wearing a tailcoat

lakrimi

onion < lakrimo “tears”

levendomandra

prison: “pen for the brave”; cf. the song lyric “The irons of prison are for the brave” (Της φυλακής τα σίδερα είναι για τους λεβέντες)

lepi

filth: “fish scale”

lepiðofola

massacre, bloodshed: “knife-blade poisoned bait” (comparing a knifefight to the poisoning of animals)

lesi

filth: “corpse”

letra kakaka

telegram: “rat-rat-tat letter”

letra-karambola

correspondence: “letter collision”

letra plereza

rent bill: “mourning-veil letter”

liɣðoberdes

penniless: “hungering for money”

limoros

replusive: < limoðis “infectious (disease)”, or Italian limo “mud”

lutsolakrimo

candle: “light tears” (because melting wax looks like tears)

lisaɣman

dog: lisa “rabies” + pseudo-French -ment

maɣnitoberdes

debt: “money magnet”

mandotempo

future: “bread time” (because bread is something that becomes?)

mavrodavas

Death: “black pimp”

maxmurlokaro

road roller: “sleepyhead cart”

melisovroma

fly: “stinking bee”

ministeros tis axalis

Finance Ministry: “Starvation Minister”

molopalestis

shipwrecked person: “water wrestler”

molorufa

heatwave: “water suck”

munɡafon

record player: “mute-phone”

mu klinun simvoleo

I am being called in to be interrogated, lit. “they are finalising a contract for me”

mumia

elderly but well-preserved gay: “mummy”

musandoefe

gusto: “fake effect”

musandodavakis

scumbag: “fake pimp”

musandosermelia, musandosema

banana, cucumber, eggplant: “fake penis”

musandospiritoza

Pentecost, Feast Day of the Holy Spirit: “fake spirit-ful”

mudzantivaro

female breast: “cunt counterweight”

mudzonome

to marry a cis woman, of someone gay: “to be cunt-ed” (homonym with mudzonome “to receive the insulting gesture of the moudza“)

mutsemeni

the Virgin Mary: “deceived”

mutseftra

IOU: “deceiver”

baltas

judge: “axe”; hence balta “trial”, baltaletra “summons”: “judge letter”, baltadziðiko “court”: “judge shop”

babakovutiro

finicky: “cotton butter”

batane

heavy makeup < batanas “whitewash”

benavoɣarɣalo

jokester: “talk tickler”

biz ke dzaz

police emergency services: “strike and run”

biseloɣipsos

dead: “sleep plaster”

biskototekno

conscript: “biscuit child” (i.e. sweet child)

bodofriɣanu

sunburned: “body toast”

buka stafilitis

silence: “mouth uvula, stuffed (up to the) uvula”

bukostafiliara

dictatorship: “silencer”

bubuni

fart < bubunito “thundering sound”

budala xalkas

wedding ring: “fool ring” (xalkas is both a ring and a nosering; the comparison of the wedding ring to the nosering of a bull is a Greek commonplace)

buroksexilo

accordion: “singing overstretched”

buropita

LP record: “song pita”

mirmingobala

the globe: “ant ball”

nekroxartu

photograph: “dead paper”

neroksilo

crystal: “water wood” (crystal looks like water frozen stiff as wood)

nisestorela

rag: “cloth fart”

nisestosuravlo

rope: “cloth flute”

davadzokonsoma

ugly: “pimp consumption”

damiroklusma

injecting drugs: “hashish enema”

damiroxalastra

drug squad: “hashish ruiner”

diloðokaro

toothpick: “tooth beam”

dilokolie

denture: “tooth necklace”; hence dilokoliazo “to bite”

dupopatata

fist: “beatings potato”; “potato” in turn is called bunia “fist”; the plural dup-patates means “boxing”

kserobaksu

straw: “dry garden”

ksinasvestis

yoghurt: “sour whitewash”

ksirafia

heart attack: “razor blow”

pangrolavi

braid, ponytail: “hair handle”

palamarokanis

tall: “arms and legs” (allusion to expression aftos olo xeria ke poðia ine “he is all arms and legs = he is tall”)

panses

gendarme: “pansy”

pandokulura

zero: “all donut” (kulura “donut” for “zero” is used by students)

papiros

licence, diploma: “papyrus”

papirodravo

driver’s license: “driver papyrus”

patriðopresa

duty: “fatherland pressure”

perlokrokaða

oyster, mussel: “pearl yolk”

petsovunu

callus: “skin mountain”

pixopiasman

arm: “cubit groper”

piselokapniazome

to dream: “sleep smoke”; piselokaporampa dream: “sleep smoke theatrical.stage”

pulman

Vice squad van: “bus”

puloviðonome

to sit squarely down: “to screw one’s arse in”

pulomusafiro

enema: “anal guest”

pulopirɣi

faeces: “anal tower” (Koutsavakika kuraðoθimonia “turd bale” has the same sense)

puroxtikiasma

old man falling in love: “old man tuberculosis”

presveftu

calling card: “ambassadress”; xartopresveftu “paper ambassadress” = “ibid.”

prikokuskusu

wedding: “dowry chat”

protosiðeru

official appearance: “first ironed”

renovlastos

prince, heir to the throne: “queen sprout”

runosarostra

patrol: “cop sweep”

sangosfungara

liver: “blood sponge”

sarkisti me sik

live, orally: “in the flesh, with chic”

sarkoðomi

bone: “flesh structure”

svuru

alcohol: “spinning top chick” (i.e. dizzying), svuriazome “to get drunk”

sielokapnila

clouds: “sky smudge”

sielokuelofloku

rain: “sky tears”

skatopresa

draconian law: “shit press”

skatofaɣu

undercover cop: “shit eater”

skinolatsaris

sensual: “skin beautiful”

skotsara

skirt suit (ταγιέρ): “Scottish” (i.e. kilt)

soɣi kuravelte

dim liɡht: “light for fucking”

solodapis

bachelor: “one who masturbates alone”

suvafatsa

horrid makeup: “plaster face”

sustokolo

luxury car: “spring arse” (because they had suspension)

stamnosterno

female breast: “chest pitcher”

stavrolekso

embroidery: “crossword”

strosomasela

piano: “laid-out dentures”

solinaki tis xaras

hashish cigarette: “little tube of joy”

solinokanguros

elephant: “pipe nose”

solinokanguru

proboscis; big penis: “pipe nose”

tavliazo

to kill: “to table (i.e. lay out flat)”; tavliazome “to be tabled” = “to die”

talirokatara

moudza (insulting gesture with spread palm, and five fingers): “five-drachma curse”

taraxoproties

track and field: “tumult firsts”

taraxotremuliaris

poltroon: “tumult trembler”

tapsodaniazome

to admire oneself, to be narcissistic: “to act like a whore in a mirror”

teknozalistra

lecture: “child dizzier”; teknozalistra tu mus-dzusi “Jesus lecture” = “sermon”

teknozembilo

elevator: “child basket”

teknokilistres

rollerskates: “child rollers”

teknobalevo, teknobalono

to impregnate: “to make a child ball” (i.e. pregnant belly)

teknobiɣa

porter: “child crane”

teknoxtikiazo

to fall in love: “twink tuberculosis” (i.e. become consumptive for a twink); teknoxtiko “love”

tebelosteko

café: “hangout for the idle”

tebeloferis

road roller: “lazy iron”

terokseratomolu

water spring: “earth spew water”

dzazberdepuros

national benefactor: “old man throwing away money”

dzasprovia

hair removal: “away fleece”

dzeslutekno

new mother: “insane (for) child woman”

dzurovalviða

kidney: “urine valve”

timokutela

forehead: “honour forehead”, alluding to expression “having a clean forehead” = “having a clear conscience”

tiraxoɣrilos

heel: “shoe car-jack”

titlokavala

ownership: “title riding” (alluding to slang use of “riding” to mean “arrogance, pretension”)

tulosa

dictatorship: “silent”

turkosupa

coffee: “Turkish soup”

turkual

grotesque jewel: “turquoise” + “Turkish”

turbani

wound: “turban” (referring to wound dressing)

trokana

brainless: “cowbell”

tsarðokukos

bachelor: “house cuckoo” (cuckoos being proverbially solitary)

tsarðokipseli

neighbourhood: “house beehive”

tsarðodania

earthquake: “house whorishness” (houses swaying in an earthquake compared to the coquettish swaying of a prostitute); the synonym tsarðotarakunima is merely “house shaking”

tsarðoperɣamini

callinɡ card: “house parchment, house diploma”

tsarðosplaxno

basement: “house entrails”

tsarðotermitis

architect: “house termite” (comparing architect to termite in building complex structures); tsarðotermitu is an apartment block

tsinganoromvia

tambourine: “Gypsies’ barrel organ”

tsixlatelioti

car wheel: “rubber un-ending”

tsurnokota

fox: “chicken thief”

tsurnoletra

playing cards: “thief papers”

tsutsekiazo

to gather, to shrink < dzudzes “dwarf” < Turkish cüce

timvos

prison: “funeral mound”; hence timvorixos jailbreak: “grave robber”

tiru

moon: “cheese”

iɣropreza

coffee: “liquid drug hit”

fainopartuza

political party: “gangbang of the bright” or “gangbang of ideas”

fainodzasberdes

ideologue, idealist: “idea throw-away money”

fakiru

greedy: “pauper”

falu

walking cane: “phallus”

fabrikopartuzis

business partner: “factory gangbang”

fatsofisuna

nose: “face bellows”

fesovakulokafko

minaret: “mosque erection”

fidelis

dog < French fidèle “faithful”

fioroðoma

lawn, grass: “flower flooring”

fiorofaringo

eucalypt: “flower pharynx” (for the use of eucalypt oil in throat lozenges)

fola

ugly: “poison bait”

fusfus

kafasi train station: “chuff-chuff (= train) cage”

xaimali

necklace: “amulet”

xalodurvas, xalosakos

stomach: “food sack”

xamalokarna

muscle: “porter flesh”

xamalomuskulis

muscle-bound: “porter muscles”

xaos, xaus

mouth: “chaos, chasm”

xaus spilia

toothless: “mouth cave”

xaramolio

candle: “oil waste”

xasikloreviθo

worry beads: “hashish smoker’s chickpeas”

xortobiɣa

hashish: “grass crane” (i.e. grass that raises you up)

psakio

bad news < psaki “poison”

psofokukula

mausoleum, crypt: “hood over the dead”

*nifokukula

Turkish coffee: “bride hood” (allusion unknown, unless this is an allusion to the comical coinage nifokokozomon “sober bean juice” in the play Babel (1836), satirising in that instance pedantry)

*kaliardopresa

interrogation: “ugly pressure”

*kilorufi

spoon: “belly suck”

*kristaloburu

television: “crystal singer”

*lakrimoveku

tragedian: “tears old”

*moliviazo

to grow serious: “to leaden”

*buribunaro

to bombard: “chimney punch” (the chimney being the bomb casing, the punch being the bomb explosion); hence also *buribunaristos “striking” (i.e. “bombshell”)

*dezotrimu

cocaine: “horny powder”

*peribeneðes

appetisers: “around queers”

*trikajori

Holy Trinity: “three directors”

*xtiko

golden sovereign: < xtikio “tuberculosis” (a sovereign is yellow as a consumptive; gaining sovereigns is as strenuous as getting TB (χτικιάζω))

Kaliarda is also notorious for making things sound worse than they are, through pejorations:

afakos

brother: < English fuck: “unfuckable”

afrikanokuli

cocoa: “African turd”

axaloeθnokifinas

emperor: “inedible [= repulsive] drone of nations”

virdziniazo

close < It. virgine “virgin”

ɣalatopombon

baby’s dummy: “milk blowjob”

ɡran-renokaθikiomenos

crowned: “grand queen chamberpotted” (queen = royalty; chamberpot = crown)

ðiplomudza

10: “double moudza” (insulting gesture with spread palm, and five fingers)

ðiploðiplomudza

100: “double double moudza” (insulting gesture with spread palm, and five fingers)

eloxesma

rice: “swamp shitting” (rice is planted in swamps, and looks like diarrhoea)

karnosermeles

sausage: “meat penis”; durokarnosermeles “hard sausage” are large preserved meats, such as ham and mortadella; teknokarnosermelo “child sausage” is sausages proper

kotsilokulu

chicken: “birdshit shit chick”

kuloskembes

koxla tripe: “shit belly boiled”

kunistra

LP record: “mover, swayer”; in mainstream slang, a coquettish woman

kuorokuravelta

love: “heart fucking”

maɣazodania

shop billboard: “shop whoring”

monomudza

5: “single moudza” (insulting gesture with spread palm, and five fingers)

mus-dzusis

Jesus: “bearded Jesus/fake Jesus”

mudzopuri

mother: “vagina old-woman”; sandomudzopuru “fake mother” = “stepmother”

mudzoxezo

to give birth: “to shit out from the cunt”

muxloskembes

old man: “mold animal belly”

bakosarmela

oar: “boat dick”

barotsarðo

house of gay: “sickness hut” (allusion to VD)

benavopombon

begging someone: “talk blowjob”

bladis

surgeon: “blood guy”

buropombonaro

to play a wind/brass instrument: “song (= musical) blowjob”

brostomudzu

apron: “front of cunt”

ksotikomudzo

fairy (neraiða): “spirit pussy, spirit cis-woman”

pipilas

darling, dear < “suckler” (presumably allusion to blowjob); metathesised pilipas has the same meaning

piperoskatu

mustard: “pepper shit”

pombotabako

smoking pipe: “blowjob cigarette”

pon pon bombona

lollypop: “blowjob bon-bon” (in fact, “bon-bon bon-bon”)

puliazome

to sit < puli “arse”

pulostrostra

chair: “place to lay your arse out”

purozeles

decrepit old man: “old man jelly”

puromarioneta

decrepit old man: “old man puppet”

putanokonsomis

ugly: “whore consumed” (i.e. fit only to be a client of a prostitute)

protokaθiki

prize, award: “first chamberpot” (i.e. award cup); hence protokaθikono “to award”, protokaθikoberθa “award birth” = “festival”, protokaθikopuros “award old man” = “awards judge”

protodavas

Prime Minister: “first pimp”

relopnoi

stench: “fart breath”

relo tu xaus

burp: “mouth fart”

renokaθiki

crown: “queen chamberpot”

savano

bedsheet: “burial shroud”

savanono

to cover: “to enshroud for burial”

semelopuros

father: “penis old-man”; sandosemelopuros “fake father” = “stepfather”

semelorizo

cucumber: “penis root”; semelorizomolo “cucumber water” = “cucumber juice”

skelosaliangas

old man: “leg snail”

skulamentozos

having the common cold < skulamento gonorrhoea; similarly skulamentosimo common cold: “gonorrhoea sign”

skutula

perfume < skatula “turd (diminutive)”

soðosalo

bubble bath: “soda saliva”

sublime

soup: French sublimé, soluble salt of mercury, used in treatment of syphilis

terotsutsuno

mushroom: “ground (child’s) penis”

traɣomuxlos

monk: “mouldy goat” (referring to monk’s beard); hence traɣomuxlokipselo “monk beehive” = “monastery”

traɣopuros

priest: “goat old man” (referring to priest’s beard: the comparison also appears in mainstream Greek); hence traɣopurozumo “priest juice” = “holy water”, traɣopurosfraɣizo “to priest seal” = “to baptise”, traɣopurotsarðo “priest hut” = “church”

traxanas

feeble old man: “porridge” (tarhana)

iɣrotekniazo

to pour: “liquid twink”, as maistream xino “to pour” also means “to cum”

fusokapota

candelabra: “light condom”

xaus klisma

soda water, fizzy drink: “mouth enema”

psilopele

roasted chickpea: “small testicle”

psoloɣuðupa

shoe last: “dick pestle” (from its similar shape to both)

Compounds of flokia “sperm” are a particular class of pejoration—although clearly the stem has simply ended up meaning “fluid” generically in Kaliarda:

ɡazofloko

liquid ɡas: “gas jizz” (-floko in compounds really just means “fluid”)

zuzunofloko

honey: “bug jizz”

komodorofloko

tomato paste: “tomato jizz”

kuelofloki

tears: “eye jizz”

musandofloko

marrow: “fake jizz”

bodofriɣanofloko

suntan lotion: “sunburn jizz”

natura floki

fresh juice: “nature jizz”

dudukofloko

vegetable oil: “flute jizz”; from skliroduduko “hard flute = peanut”, via fistiki “peanut = small penis” (so that duduki “flute”, as a euphemism for “erect penis”, ends up displacing “peanut” used as a euphemism for “small penis”, and comes to mean “nut” in general)

pres floki

glue: “press jizz”

teknokaknofloko

meringue: “egg (chicken child) jizz”

tsainofloko

ink: “China jizz”

flokia romanof

Olivier salad, Russian salad: “Jizz Romanov”

floki tu xaus

saliva: “mouth jizz”

flokodorvares

testicles: “jizz sacks”

flokoxalemandu

salad dressing: “food jizz”

fisunofloko

common cold: “nose jizz”

*ɣelaðofloko

milk: “cow jizz”

*karofloko

petrol: “cart jizz”

*piselofloko

sleeping drug, sedative: “sleep jizz”