Kaliarda XXXII: The Wit of Kaliarda

By: | Post date: 2018-01-05 | Comments: No Comments
Posted in categories: Linguistics, Modern Greek

Kaliarda has a couple of puns:

kolombos, xristoforos
top: “Christopher Columbus” as soundalike of kolombaras
dubloðikeliazo
to be diplomatic: “double looking”; Standard Greek ðiplomatis “diplomat” sounds like “double-eyed” (dipl-ōma: “folded (document) < “doubled thing” read as dipl-omma “double eye”)
*papi
document, certificate: “duck”, but puns on German Papier “papers”, often demanded during the Nazi occupation

It has a much larger number of calques from mainstream Greek and Greek slang—the wit lying in recognising Greek expressions in Kaliarda garb:

amitsopuru
Philopappou (“Friend of Grandfather”) Hill, calqued as “Friend Old Man”
asprokangela
platinum: “white metal”, calque of lefkoxrisos
axalos
repulsive: “uneaten” < ðen troɣete “cannot be stomached”
ɣlutokarnu
thigh: “hip meat” (calque of colloquial kolomeri lit. “arse portion”)
ðorkakis
cuckold < “gazelle guy” (who has horns), calqued from keratas “horned”. Hence, ðorkakoviðomenos “screwed-in gazelle guy” = “someone repeatedly cuckolded”
kangelokrosos
Iron Cross (Kaliarda “metal” < “rail” + English cross)
karvunomakiastra, karvunomako
coaldust (standard karvunoskoni)
karnoxalos
carnivore: “meat-eating” (standard sarkofaɣos)
klinarolinga
Puristic Greek: “clean language”, calque of Katharevousa
koza tempo avelis, koza dzornoɣiro vuelis
what time is it? “what time do you have?”, calque of ti ora exis?
latsaveles
welcome: < latsa aveles “well you do/come” (standard kalos irθes); latsavelo “to welcome”
latsolinga
Puristic Greek: “good language”, semi-calque of Katharevousa (cf. klinarolinga)
latsotempa
summer: “good weather” (standard kalokeri)
letrostampa
postage stamp: “letter stamp” (standard ɣramatosimo)
mesodzorna
midday (Italian + Greek, standard mesimeri)
midlanota
midnight (English + Italian, standard mesanixta)
musikapoxis
conductor: “music fishing-net guy”
mus-paɡro
white lie: “fake hairs” (calque of mainstream trixes! “hairs” = “bullshit”)
baks ke latsi
once and for all (calque of mainstream mia ke kali, with Puristic apaks for “once”)
natura floki
fresh juice: “nature jizz” (calque of mainstream fisikos ximos “natural juice”)
duramol
vitriol: “hard water”, calque of Italian acquaforte
ostrakopoðarakis
cancer: “shell foot guy” (i.e. description of crab; Greek karkinos “cancer” and Latin cancer both originally mean “crab”)
pulopirɣono suandes
I am indifferent towards you: “I shit on you”, mainstream se xezo
sekretoðulia
mysticism: “secret job” (mystikos in Greek literally means “secret”)
sekretoxalema
Last Supper: calque of mistikos ðipnos
sketo kaprikente
very clever: “lone match”, calque of mainstream spirto monaxo
dzazo ta tiraxa
die: “thow away shoes”, calque of mainstream tinazo ta petala “fling off horseshoes” (cf. kick the bucket)
dzazo ti linga mu
to loosen one’s tongue: “to get my tongue out”, calque of mainstream vɣazo ɣlosa
ipomona
pumpkin seeds: “patience”; in mainstream Greek, they are called pasatempo < Italian: “pass the time”
ipsometro
hillbilly, provincial: “altitude” (alluding to them being from the mountains)
fresokarno
tenderloin: “fish meat”, calque of psaronefri lit. “fish(-coloured) kidney” (i.e. grey meat around kidneys)
xasobaltas
lawyer: “lose trial”, calque of mainstream slang xasoðikis
xumsovivi ðantela
life sentence: “prison life knot”, calque of isovia ðesma “life-equalling bondage”
psixotraɣopuros
top: “soul priest”; Koutsavakika psixopapas has the same meaning
oxroblada
leukemia: “pale blood” (standard lefxemia “white blood”); hence musandoxroblada anaemia: “fake leukemia”
*staɣonakis
doppelganger: “waterdrop guy”, allusion to expression that two people are as alike as two drops of water

I’ve erred on the side of inclusion in counting forms as witticisms:

aðikokuti
coffin: “unjust box”
etna, tna
pimple: “Mt Etna”
anemodzasaro
sacrifice: “wind expel” = “throw to the winds”
animatsurnos
Death: “soul thief”
astakomeno
armoured vehicle: “lobstered” (“armoured like a lobster”)
afantos
God: “invisible”
vivopalamaro
octopus: “live palm”
vivosermelo
snake: “live penis”
vivosermelo but piasman
boa constrictor: “snake very grope”
vlakopsaliðu
censorship: “stupid scissors chick”
ɡodorelia
wind: “god fart”
ðrakodzastis
cross: “drives out ogres” (i.e. vampires)
enzimiazo
to rot: “to enzyme”
zalistra
radio: “dizzy-maker”
zuzunovarvari
naphthaline: “savage to bugs”
inðofiðiazo
to charm: “Indian snake” (alluding to snake charmer)
kavɣaðokutu
radio: “argument box chick”
kangelopartuza
chain: “metal gangbang” (cf. sexual meaning of daisychain in English)
kangurosalo
snot: “nose saliva”; ful kangurosalo “full-blast snot” = “sneeze”
kaðro
ugly: “picture frame”
kaimozumi
coffee: “sorrow juice”
kaimotsiftozumi
coffee: “sorrow cunning juice”
kaimokuto
bouzouki: “sorrow box”
kaimoburia
rebetiko songs: “sorrow songs”
kaimoxelono
baglama: “sorrow turtle” (so called because the baglama body was the size of a turtle, and some baglamas were made of turtle shells); also xelonoburo “turtle song”
kaliardo-mol
water: “ugly liquid” (as opposed to alcoholic drinks)
kanalovivu
fate: “channel of life”
karbonomilionaris
billionaire: “carbon-copy millionaire”
katolioiraklia
actress of melodramatic movies: “tears woman”, which was the nickname given to melodrama actress Martha Vourtsi (Petropoulos only gave her initials)
katoliotekno
actor of melodramatic movies: “tears twink”, which was the nickname given to melodrama actor Nikos Xanthopoulos (Petropoulos only gave his initials)
katsikanotsarðo
balcony: “house boobs”
kelaru
fountain, water tap < kelorosola “tears”
keravnos
toothless: “lightning”
keromusando
love-talk “candle (= melt) lie”
kifinas
monk: “drone”
kokorobuluki
theatrical troupe: “rooster squadron”
koniðokolora
miniature paintinɡ: “nit painting”
konikloxalos
vegetarian: “rabbit(-like) eating”
konderandza
stuttering: “lecture”
kontra-feɣi
cardboard: “counter-sheet (of paper)”, by analogy with kontra plake “plywood” < French contreplaqué
korakovlastimo
very fat woman or gay: “crow curser” (because “crows” = undertakers will curse when the time comes to lift them up to bury them)
koroiðorampo
shadow puppet theatre, Karagiozis: “mockery ramp”
kosmoalana
town square: “world/people alley”
kueloflokopalku
tragedy, tragedy production: “tears stage”
kueloflokorampa
tragedy, tragedy production: “tears ramp”
kulopapapa
urine bottle (in Standard Greek papia “duck” from its shape): “shit quack-quack”
kumunis turlu
Olivier Salad, Russian salad: “communist salad”
kuskusofeɣi
newspaper: “gossip sheet”
kiparisotekno
overly tall: “cypress twink”
koloklaklas
ambassador: “arse ??”, from their wearing a tailcoat
lakrimi
onion < lakrimo “tears”
levendomandra
prison: “pen for the brave”; cf. the song lyric “The irons of prison are for the brave” (Της φυλακής τα σίδερα είναι για τους λεβέντες)
lepi
filth: “fish scale”
lepiðofola
massacre, bloodshed: “knife-blade poisoned bait” (comparing a knifefight to the poisoning of animals)
lesi
filth: “corpse”
letra kakaka
telegram: “rat-rat-tat letter”
letra-karambola
correspondence: “letter collision”
letra plereza
rent bill: “mourning-veil letter”
liɣðoberdes
penniless: “hungering for money”
limoros
replusive: < limoðis “infectious (disease)”, or Italian limo “mud”
lutsolakrimo
candle: “light tears” (because melting wax looks like tears)
lisaɣman
dog: lisa “rabies” + pseudo-French -ment
maɣnitoberdes
debt: “money magnet”
mandotempo
future: “bread time” (because bread is something that becomes?)
mavrodavas
Death: “black pimp”
maxmurlokaro
road roller: “sleepyhead cart”
melisovroma
fly: “stinking bee”
ministeros tis axalis
Finance Ministry: “Starvation Minister”
molopalestis
shipwrecked person: “water wrestler”
molorufa
heatwave: “water suck”
munɡafon
record player: “mute-phone”
mu klinun simvoleo
I am being called in to be interrogated, lit. “they are finalising a contract for me”
mumia
elderly but well-preserved gay: “mummy”
musandoefe
gusto: “fake effect”
musandodavakis
scumbag: “fake pimp”
musandosermelia, musandosema
banana, cucumber, eggplant: “fake penis”
musandospiritoza
Pentecost, Feast Day of the Holy Spirit: “fake spirit-ful”
mudzantivaro
female breast: “cunt counterweight”
mudzonome
to marry a cis woman, of someone gay: “to be cunt-ed” (homonym with mudzonome “to receive the insulting gesture of the moudza“)
mutsemeni
the Virgin Mary: “deceived”
mutseftra
IOU: “deceiver”
baltas
judge: “axe”; hence balta “trial”, baltaletra “summons”: “judge letter”, baltadziðiko “court”: “judge shop”
babakovutiro
finicky: “cotton butter”
batane
heavy makeup < batanas “whitewash”
benavoɣarɣalo
jokester: “talk tickler”
biz ke dzaz
police emergency services: “strike and run”
biseloɣipsos
dead: “sleep plaster”
biskototekno
conscript: “biscuit child” (i.e. sweet child)
bodofriɣanu
sunburned: “body toast”
buka stafilitis
silence: “mouth uvula, stuffed (up to the) uvula”
bukostafiliara
dictatorship: “silencer”
bubuni
fart < bubunito “thundering sound”
budala xalkas
wedding ring: “fool ring” (xalkas is both a ring and a nosering; the comparison of the wedding ring to the nosering of a bull is a Greek commonplace)
buroksexilo
accordion: “singing overstretched”
buropita
LP record: “song pita”
mirmingobala
the globe: “ant ball”
nekroxartu
photograph: “dead paper”
neroksilo
crystal: “water wood” (crystal looks like water frozen stiff as wood)
nisestorela
rag: “cloth fart”
nisestosuravlo
rope: “cloth flute”
davadzokonsoma
ugly: “pimp consumption”
damiroklusma
injecting drugs: “hashish enema”
damiroxalastra
drug squad: “hashish ruiner”
diloðokaro
toothpick: “tooth beam”
dilokolie
denture: “tooth necklace”; hence dilokoliazo “to bite”
dupopatata
fist: “beatings potato”; “potato” in turn is called bunia “fist”; the plural dup-patates means “boxing”
kserobaksu
straw: “dry garden”
ksinasvestis
yoghurt: “sour whitewash”
ksirafia
heart attack: “razor blow”
pangrolavi
braid, ponytail: “hair handle”
palamarokanis
tall: “arms and legs” (allusion to expression aftos olo xeria ke poðia ine “he is all arms and legs = he is tall”)
panses
gendarme: “pansy”
pandokulura
zero: “all donut” (kulura “donut” for “zero” is used by students)
papiros
licence, diploma: “papyrus”
papirodravo
driver’s license: “driver papyrus”
patriðopresa
duty: “fatherland pressure”
perlokrokaða
oyster, mussel: “pearl yolk”
petsovunu
callus: “skin mountain”
pixopiasman
arm: “cubit groper”
piselokapniazome
to dream: “sleep smoke”; piselokaporampa dream: “sleep smoke theatrical.stage”
pulman
Vice squad van: “bus”
puloviðonome
to sit squarely down: “to screw one’s arse in”
pulomusafiro
enema: “anal guest”
pulopirɣi
faeces: “anal tower” (Koutsavakika kuraðoθimonia “turd bale” has the same sense)
puroxtikiasma
old man falling in love: “old man tuberculosis”
presveftu
calling card: “ambassadress”; xartopresveftu “paper ambassadress” = “ibid.”
prikokuskusu
wedding: “dowry chat”
protosiðeru
official appearance: “first ironed”
renovlastos
prince, heir to the throne: “queen sprout”
runosarostra
patrol: “cop sweep”
sangosfungara
liver: “blood sponge”
sarkisti me sik
live, orally: “in the flesh, with chic”
sarkoðomi
bone: “flesh structure”
svuru
alcohol: “spinning top chick” (i.e. dizzying), svuriazome “to get drunk”
sielokapnila
clouds: “sky smudge”
sielokuelofloku
rain: “sky tears”
skatopresa
draconian law: “shit press”
skatofaɣu
undercover cop: “shit eater”
skinolatsaris
sensual: “skin beautiful”
skotsara
skirt suit (ταγιέρ): “Scottish” (i.e. kilt)
soɣi kuravelte
dim liɡht: “light for fucking”
solodapis
bachelor: “one who masturbates alone”
suvafatsa
horrid makeup: “plaster face”
sustokolo
luxury car: “spring arse” (because they had suspension)
stamnosterno
female breast: “chest pitcher”
stavrolekso
embroidery: “crossword”
strosomasela
piano: “laid-out dentures”
solinaki tis xaras
hashish cigarette: “little tube of joy”
solinokanguros
elephant: “pipe nose”
solinokanguru
proboscis; big penis: “pipe nose”
tavliazo
to kill: “to table (i.e. lay out flat)”; tavliazome “to be tabled” = “to die”
talirokatara
moudza (insulting gesture with spread palm, and five fingers): “five-drachma curse”
taraxoproties
track and field: “tumult firsts”
taraxotremuliaris
poltroon: “tumult trembler”
tapsodaniazome
to admire oneself, to be narcissistic: “to act like a whore in a mirror”
teknozalistra
lecture: “child dizzier”; teknozalistra tu mus-dzusi “Jesus lecture” = “sermon”
teknozembilo
elevator: “child basket”
teknokilistres
rollerskates: “child rollers”
teknobalevo, teknobalono
to impregnate: “to make a child ball” (i.e. pregnant belly)
teknobiɣa
porter: “child crane”
teknoxtikiazo
to fall in love: “twink tuberculosis” (i.e. become consumptive for a twink); teknoxtiko “love”
tebelosteko
café: “hangout for the idle”
tebeloferis
road roller: “lazy iron”
terokseratomolu
water spring: “earth spew water”
dzazberdepuros
national benefactor: “old man throwing away money”
dzasprovia
hair removal: “away fleece”
dzeslutekno
new mother: “insane (for) child woman”
dzurovalviða
kidney: “urine valve”
timokutela
forehead: “honour forehead”, alluding to expression “having a clean forehead” = “having a clear conscience”
tiraxoɣrilos
heel: “shoe car-jack”
titlokavala
ownership: “title riding” (alluding to slang use of “riding” to mean “arrogance, pretension”)
tulosa
dictatorship: “silent”
turkosupa
coffee: “Turkish soup”
turkual
grotesque jewel: “turquoise” + “Turkish”
turbani
wound: “turban” (referring to wound dressing)
trokana
brainless: “cowbell”
tsarðokukos
bachelor: “house cuckoo” (cuckoos being proverbially solitary)
tsarðokipseli
neighbourhood: “house beehive”
tsarðodania
earthquake: “house whorishness” (houses swaying in an earthquake compared to the coquettish swaying of a prostitute); the synonym tsarðotarakunima is merely “house shaking”
tsarðoperɣamini
callinɡ card: “house parchment, house diploma”
tsarðosplaxno
basement: “house entrails”
tsarðotermitis
architect: “house termite” (comparing architect to termite in building complex structures); tsarðotermitu is an apartment block
tsinganoromvia
tambourine: “Gypsies’ barrel organ”
tsixlatelioti
car wheel: “rubber un-ending”
tsurnokota
fox: “chicken thief”
tsurnoletra
playing cards: “thief papers”
tsutsekiazo
to gather, to shrink < dzudzes “dwarf” < Turkish cüce
timvos
prison: “funeral mound”; hence timvorixos jailbreak: “grave robber”
tiru
moon: “cheese”
iɣropreza
coffee: “liquid drug hit”
fainopartuza
political party: “gangbang of the bright” or “gangbang of ideas”
fainodzasberdes
ideologue, idealist: “idea throw-away money”
fakiru
greedy: “pauper”
falu
walking cane: “phallus”
fabrikopartuzis
business partner: “factory gangbang”
fatsofisuna
nose: “face bellows”
fesovakulokafko
minaret: “mosque erection”
fidelis
dog < French fidèle “faithful”
fioroðoma
lawn, grass: “flower flooring”
fiorofaringo
eucalypt: “flower pharynx” (for the use of eucalypt oil in throat lozenges)
fola
ugly: “poison bait”
fusfus
kafasi train station: “chuff-chuff (= train) cage”
xaimali
necklace: “amulet”
xalodurvas, xalosakos
stomach: “food sack”
xamalokarna
muscle: “porter flesh”
xamalomuskulis
muscle-bound: “porter muscles”
xaos, xaus
mouth: “chaos, chasm”
xaus spilia
toothless: “mouth cave”
xaramolio
candle: “oil waste”
xasikloreviθo
worry beads: “hashish smoker’s chickpeas”
xortobiɣa
hashish: “grass crane” (i.e. grass that raises you up)
psakio
bad news < psaki “poison”
psofokukula
mausoleum, crypt: “hood over the dead”
*nifokukula
Turkish coffee: “bride hood” (allusion unknown, unless this is an allusion to the comical coinage nifokokozomon “sober bean juice” in the play Babel (1836), satirising in that instance pedantry)
*kaliardopresa
interrogation: “ugly pressure”
*kilorufi
spoon: “belly suck”
*kristaloburu
television: “crystal singer”
*lakrimoveku
tragedian: “tears old”
*moliviazo
to grow serious: “to leaden”
*buribunaro
to bombard: “chimney punch” (the chimney being the bomb casing, the punch being the bomb explosion); hence also *buribunaristos “striking” (i.e. “bombshell”)
*dezotrimu
cocaine: “horny powder”
*peribeneðes
appetisers: “around queers”
*trikajori
Holy Trinity: “three directors”
*xtiko
golden sovereign: < xtikio “tuberculosis” (a sovereign is yellow as a consumptive; gaining sovereigns is as strenuous as getting TB (χτικιάζω))

Kaliarda is also notorious for making things sound worse than they are, through pejorations:

afakos
brother: < English fuck: “unfuckable”
afrikanokuli
cocoa: “African turd”
axaloeθnokifinas
emperor: “inedible [= repulsive] drone of nations”
virdziniazo
close < It. virgine “virgin”
ɣalatopombon
baby’s dummy: “milk blowjob”
ɡran-renokaθikiomenos
crowned: “grand queen chamberpotted” (queen = royalty; chamberpot = crown)
ðiplomudza
10: “double moudza” (insulting gesture with spread palm, and five fingers)
ðiploðiplomudza
100: “double double moudza” (insulting gesture with spread palm, and five fingers)
eloxesma
rice: “swamp shitting” (rice is planted in swamps, and looks like diarrhoea)
karnosermeles
sausage: “meat penis”; durokarnosermeles “hard sausage” are large preserved meats, such as ham and mortadella; teknokarnosermelo “child sausage” is sausages proper
kotsilokulu
chicken: “birdshit shit chick”
kuloskembes
koxla tripe: “shit belly boiled”
kunistra
LP record: “mover, swayer”; in mainstream slang, a coquettish woman
kuorokuravelta
love: “heart fucking”
maɣazodania
shop billboard: “shop whoring”
monomudza
5: “single moudza” (insulting gesture with spread palm, and five fingers)
mus-dzusis
Jesus: “bearded Jesus/fake Jesus”
mudzopuri
mother: “vagina old-woman”; sandomudzopuru “fake mother” = “stepmother”
mudzoxezo
to give birth: “to shit out from the cunt”
muxloskembes
old man: “mold animal belly”
bakosarmela
oar: “boat dick”
barotsarðo
house of gay: “sickness hut” (allusion to VD)
benavopombon
begging someone: “talk blowjob”
bladis
surgeon: “blood guy”
buropombonaro
to play a wind/brass instrument: “song (= musical) blowjob”
brostomudzu
apron: “front of cunt”
ksotikomudzo
fairy (neraiða): “spirit pussy, spirit cis-woman”
pipilas
darling, dear < “suckler” (presumably allusion to blowjob); metathesised pilipas has the same meaning
piperoskatu
mustard: “pepper shit”
pombotabako
smoking pipe: “blowjob cigarette”
pon pon bombona
lollypop: “blowjob bon-bon” (in fact, “bon-bon bon-bon”)
puliazome
to sit < puli “arse”
pulostrostra
chair: “place to lay your arse out”
purozeles
decrepit old man: “old man jelly”
puromarioneta
decrepit old man: “old man puppet”
putanokonsomis
ugly: “whore consumed” (i.e. fit only to be a client of a prostitute)
protokaθiki
prize, award: “first chamberpot” (i.e. award cup); hence protokaθikono “to award”, protokaθikoberθa “award birth” = “festival”, protokaθikopuros “award old man” = “awards judge”
protodavas
Prime Minister: “first pimp”
relopnoi
stench: “fart breath”
relo tu xaus
burp: “mouth fart”
renokaθiki
crown: “queen chamberpot”
savano
bedsheet: “burial shroud”
savanono
to cover: “to enshroud for burial”
semelopuros
father: “penis old-man”; sandosemelopuros “fake father” = “stepfather”
semelorizo
cucumber: “penis root”; semelorizomolo “cucumber water” = “cucumber juice”
skelosaliangas
old man: “leg snail”
skulamentozos
having the common cold < skulamento gonorrhoea; similarly skulamentosimo common cold: “gonorrhoea sign”
skutula
perfume < skatula “turd (diminutive)”
soðosalo
bubble bath: “soda saliva”
sublime
soup: French sublimé, soluble salt of mercury, used in treatment of syphilis
terotsutsuno
mushroom: “ground (child’s) penis”
traɣomuxlos
monk: “mouldy goat” (referring to monk’s beard); hence traɣomuxlokipselo “monk beehive” = “monastery”
traɣopuros
priest: “goat old man” (referring to priest’s beard: the comparison also appears in mainstream Greek); hence traɣopurozumo “priest juice” = “holy water”, traɣopurosfraɣizo “to priest seal” = “to baptise”, traɣopurotsarðo “priest hut” = “church”
traxanas
feeble old man: “porridge” (tarhana)
iɣrotekniazo
to pour: “liquid twink”, as maistream xino “to pour” also means “to cum”
fusokapota
candelabra: “light condom”
xaus klisma
soda water, fizzy drink: “mouth enema”
psilopele
roasted chickpea: “small testicle”
psoloɣuðupa
shoe last: “dick pestle” (from its similar shape to both)

Compounds of flokia “sperm” are a particular class of pejoration—although clearly the stem has simply ended up meaning “fluid” generically in Kaliarda:

ɡazofloko
liquid ɡas: “gas jizz” (-floko in compounds really just means “fluid”)
zuzunofloko
honey: “bug jizz”
komodorofloko
tomato paste: “tomato jizz”
kuelofloki
tears: “eye jizz”
musandofloko
marrow: “fake jizz”
bodofriɣanofloko
suntan lotion: “sunburn jizz”
natura floki
fresh juice: “nature jizz”
dudukofloko
vegetable oil: “flute jizz”; from skliroduduko “hard flute = peanut”, via fistiki “peanut = small penis” (so that duduki “flute”, as a euphemism for “erect penis”, ends up displacing “peanut” used as a euphemism for “small penis”, and comes to mean “nut” in general)
pres floki
glue: “press jizz”
teknokaknofloko
meringue: “egg (chicken child) jizz”
tsainofloko
ink: “China jizz”
flokia romanof
Olivier salad, Russian salad: “Jizz Romanov”
floki tu xaus
saliva: “mouth jizz”
flokodorvares
testicles: “jizz sacks”
flokoxalemandu
salad dressing: “food jizz”
fisunofloko
common cold: “nose jizz”
*ɣelaðofloko
milk: “cow jizz”
*karofloko
petrol: “cart jizz”
*piselofloko
sleeping drug, sedative: “sleep jizz”

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